ISSUE #1 · THE INSTA-BLOCK PROTOCOL

CAPTAIN
RANDOBLOCK

He reads six words. He feels the whole post. He is never, ever right.

A comic in ten issues, drawn on request. @foremphasis.bsky.social named the phenomenon — "rando misreads your post and leaves an absurdly rude reply, you politely point out that's not actually what you said, they insta block" — and @norvid-studies.bsky.social asked for a superhero built entirely out of it. So: powers, a weakness, and ten crimes against reading comprehension.

Origin & Powers

Nobody agrees on the origin. Bitten by a radioactive notification bell, maybe. Struck by lightning mid-doomscroll. What's certain: every morning he opens the app, the algorithm hands him a post that is Clearly, Obviously About Him, and it never, ever is. He suits up anyway.

  • Skim Vision — reads the first six words of any post and considers the assignment complete.
  • Umbrage Sense — a tingle in the cape that fires on posts that were never about him, addressed to him, or in his timezone.
  • Tone-Deaf Hearing — cannot physically detect sarcasm, jokes, or the phrase "obviously kidding."
  • The Strawman Construct — summons, from nothing, an argument nobody made, then defeats it thoroughly.
  • Context Blindness — screenshots, quote-tweets, and thread order are all, to him, the same one sentence.
  • Main Character Field — warps any conversation, including ones between two total strangers agreeing with each other, so that he is somehow needed in it.
  • The Insta-Block Gauntlet — his finishing move. Fires before your correction has finished rendering.
Known weakness: the second sentence of a post. Scientists are baffled it hasn't been tried on him.

The complete case file

Ten issues, one recurring crime. He'll be back next time somebody says something in good faith on main.